What I work a lot with is the notion that when someone does something that affects me, it is beneficial to me too - that it has to be, within a paradigm of oneness. Sometimes it can be a stretch to really live, however.
For example, I live in a rental community, which I love. I can rent up to 6 people (i.e., 6 private rooms plus there are two other apartments that someone else owns) and my preference is to have residents that really love being here and who get along well, and to have very little turnover.
In the past, when a person gave notice of leaving, I’d take it personally, as a personal rejection. I also might have been afraid there'd be a loss of income. Sometimes I would begrudge the effort it meant to find, screen and rent to a new resident.
Doing 'The Work'
All of these reactions felt bad and several times I did “The Work” of Byron Katie – an inquiry process that allows one to get to a higher truth about a situation. Then one day I noticed I had a whole different attitude when someone announced her leaving.
When Lucy told me of her upcoming departure, and how she wanted to return to Vermont to be with family, I actually felt excitement for her. Even though I had loved having her here and did have some of my old concerns, my overwhelming response was to be joyful and trusting. I could even feel excitement about who might be our next community member.
As it turned out, I ended up having a series of temporary residents who were wonderful and who paid more money for being here on a retreat basis, and then the right long-term resident showed up. And Lucy is very happy in Vermont!
Trusting the Perfection
Actually, the more I work with this principle of mutuality in oneness, the more I notice it and the more I trust the flow of life. Every day provides examples - from having a driver refuse to let me in the left lane, only to discover it would be best to take a right at the next light, to having a friend cancel a lunch date which results in me being home to take an important call that otherwise would have been missed.
It’s one thing to know intellectually that we are one and that, therefore, what is good for you is good for me. It’s quite another to live it day-to-day; to bring that knowledge into our bodies, our lives and our relationships. When I do, such amazing bliss prevails and I am so grateful.
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Namaste!
Gayatri
